Divine Wisdom

Posted by Cheri Fuller and Louise Tucker Jones on 12/31/1969

Even with the best of doctors, support groups, friends, and family, parents don't always find the answers to those questions and thoughts that play over and over in their minds. There are no easy answers. Time, prayer, and experience help, but nothing replaces divine guidance from Scripture. Through His Word, God places a healing balm on our hearts and emotions. If you're struggling with any of the questions below, perhaps these thoughts and scriptures will help:

What did I do wrong in pregnancy? Don't drive yourself crazy with this thought. You probably did all the right things — good prenatal care, regular checkups, and so on.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you " (Jeremiah 1:5).

How can I find the strength to handle this? You can take one day at a time. Do what has to be done, and when you don't know what else to do, just do the next thing.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (II Corinthians 12:9).

Will this child live with me forever? Probably not, but none of us has any guarantees. There are many alternatives for adults with special needs, and most want to be independent. Some of these adults choose to live at home because they have a job, friends, church, and parents who enjoy them and don't want them to leave.

"Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me" (Mark 9:37).

What if I don't feel blessed or joyful the way some parents talk about? Give yourself time to adjust. Joy and blessings may not be visible right away. They come softly and quietly, when you least expect them.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18).

Will our lives ever be normal again? There's no definition of normal. What's normal for you may be foreign to others. Choose your own normalcy.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10).

What if my child dies? The death of any child is more than a parent can bear outside of Jesus Christ as your comforter. Fix your thoughts on Him.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Joshua 1:5).

Allow yourself time to adjust to whatever circumstances you face. Don't try to handle a lifetime of problems in one day. See your child through the eyes of God; let His Word filter your vision.

Steps to acceptance

Martha Little, mother of a child with special needs, offers the following steps to acceptance:

  • Acknowledge that God's hand was on your child or children in the way they were formed before birth, according to His plan.
  • Admit any areas you resent in the way God made them.
  • Accept God's design for them. Thank Him for their personalities and the way they are.
  • Affirm God's purpose in creating them for His glory.
  • Ally yourself with God in His plans for them.

"Our job is to see our children as God does and to involve ourselves in His plans, not our own," Martha says.

The gift of children

When Jay was diagnosed with heart disease, I (Louise) asked God, "Why?" When Jay couldn't communicate, I asked, "Why?" When he tried to be like other children and was rejected, I asked, "Why, God?" But those challenges never fazed Jay. He just kept right on celebrating life.

Then one day I read an article about a businessman who was blind. He explained that he was often introduced as "handicapped," so he decided to investigate the word. He stated, "The dictionary says a handicap is an added burden given to a superior contender to equalize the contest." I caught my breath at that definition and thought, That's Jay! He often experiences rejection, yet he returns acceptance. He's stared at, taunted, teased, and sees prejudice in its ugliest form, yet he forgives with a hug and a kiss.

Jay has proved to be a superior contender in life, and he has taught me so much about love. Today when I ask why, I ask with a totally different perspective. I ask, "Why, God? Why am I so blessed with this beautiful, sensitive child? How could You entrust me with this tender creation?"

I have no idea why God allowed me to be Jay's mom, but I'm so glad He did. I can't tell you why God allowed the things that are happening in your life, but God will use them to His glory. Somehow we need to understand that He loves us with a love greater than anything we can possibly comprehend and wants to teach us how to celebrate life in the midst of challenges. He made and gave us every one of our children, and He knew everything about them before they were ever born. They are gifts — precious gifts from God — and He makes no mistakes!

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