My Journey

Posted on February 1, 2023

Several years ago, after my husband’s death, a woman informed me that she was tired of reading about my grief. I was shocked! It had only been a few months. I was glad she had never experienced such a loss, but sad that she lacked compassion for others.

I have been honored with the many cards, calls, texts, and e-mails I have received from friends, family and readers I’ve never met. It touches my heart to know that others hold my sweet son, Jay in their memory and offer heartfelt words and prayers.

My grief journey continues, as it does for anyone who has lost a loved one, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t happy moments. I spent some time in Arkansas during the holidays, close to my oldest son, Aaron and his family. My two teenage grands lift my heart and bring smiles with their fun stories. My grandson even convinced me to try his virtual reality game and I enjoyed hearing my granddaughter’s excitement about starting college in the fall. Then Aaron gave me the precious gift of “time.” A day of shopping and lunch together, just the two of us.

Yes, there was still much grief without Jay. Yes, I missed him every minute of every day. It was my first trip without him so I sang along with his favorite CDs as I drove, just the way he always did. His brother brought out a Christmas tree, still full of decorations that Jay had placed on a previous Christmas, and we added new ornaments in memory of Jay.

Later, I wept alone for my husband and son at Cooper Chapel where the beauty and Spirit are so strong it touches your very soul.

Yes, I am still on a long, lonely journey. I still grieve daily, but I also anxiously watch for the moon each night. Jay loved throwing kisses to the moon for his Daddy in heaven and it always made me smile. So now, I throw kisses to the moon for Jay. Life is still very fragile, but I’m thankful for friends, family and faith to help me along the way.

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